i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
