I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
