you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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