The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
