I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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