I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
