i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
