I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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