Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
