I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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