forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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