so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
