i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
