Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
