never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
