If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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