Whod you bang
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
