for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk is a universal language darling
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