barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
