How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
