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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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