I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
