I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
