I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize