My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
