her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
