hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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