she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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