How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
