I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
