kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize