Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
