How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
