You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
