Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
