thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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