i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
