She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize