I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
