when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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