i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
