I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
