I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
