I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is my gift to your gina
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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