This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
