I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
