im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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