I just saw a hot homeless man
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize