what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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