I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Found your dick twin last night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
