I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
