Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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