He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
