So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
