This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
