I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
