I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
