Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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