halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
