Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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