her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
