Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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