NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
