the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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