If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
