areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is the high leading the old right now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize