Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
